


Will You Still Love Me

by Firegirl210



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Angst, Jealousy, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2015-02-19
Packaged: 2018-03-13 18:50:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3392387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firegirl210/pseuds/Firegirl210
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Enterprise picks up a diplomatic team for transport-among them, Ambassador Spock. Why doesn't Spock the younger like him spending time with the Captain? What is the story behind the pendant around the ancient Vulcan's neck? This is the story of his brief time spent with Jim Kirk and his younger self, and the feelings that will come to light because of his presence there. Kirk/Spock, some gentle Spock Prime/Kirk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Three Is a Crowd

**This is a four-shot I wrote, the pairings are Kirk/Spock, Original Kirk/Spock and a little reminiscent Spock Prime/New Kirk. Kirk and Spock are in an established relationship by now, it probably takes place two or three years after the end of Into Darkness, so halfway into their 5 year mission.**

**Unfortunately, I am not Gene Roddenberry nor am I JJ Abrams and therefore I own nothing in this wonderful world we call Trek.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

 

* * *

 

Vulcans do not feel nervous. At least Spock assured himself of this fact repeatedly as he stood stiffly at alert in the transporter room. The enterprise had responded to a call from New Vulcan to take a small group of diplomats aboard and transport them to a Federation Outpost in the Alpha Centauri system. If ambassadors were coming from the colony, there was approximately a 93.2159% chance that his older self would be among them.

As the first of three members of the Vulcan Council began materializing on the telapad, Captain Kirk finally hurried into the room then quickly fell into a comfortable but authoritative stance, to create the image that he had been waiting patiently for some time. He caught Spock's questioning eyebrow quirk and threw his first officer and companion a playful wink. The Vulcan looked away, not flustered in the slightest.

At least not admittedly.

The first ambassador stepped off the pad, extending the customary Vulcan greeting of spread fingers in the shape of a V. Kirk reciprocated the "Live Long and Prosper," accompanying it with a blinding smile.

"Welcome aboard the U.S.S. Enterprise," he welcomed, greeting the second diplomat. The third materialized and Spock resisted the urge to sigh. The final ambassador stepped forward and, to most of the assembled group's undying surprise and in the case of the council members, horror, offered a handshake to the young Captain. Jim smiled broadly-it could really only be called a grin-and accepted the gesture.

"It is good to see you again, Jim," he said warmly, and his eyes smiled at the golden man.

"I'm glad to see you too," the Captain replied with sincerity, and then Spock Prime turned his dark gaze on his younger self, expressive eyes twinkling almost mischievously.

"Mr. Spock," he said as way of greeting, and the first officer allowed the old man his fun.

"Mr. Spock," he replied, and Jim startled them both with a bright burst of laughter.

"Alright you two, as amusing and ironic as this is, we've all got duties to attend to. Mr. Spock, if you would show the Ambassadors to their quarters?" Spock nodded, and took the lead at the front of the trio of Vulcans.

"You are not restrained to your quarters; G deck is equipped with recreation rooms and lounges which may be pleasing to you. You are all well versed in the usage of both the replicators and communications system, so I will not reiterate these components. Should any need arise please contact me or a security personnel officer. Our journey to the Alpha Centauri system should take approximately nine days, eighteen hours and twenty-two minutes. I sincerely hope your stay aboard the enterprise will be satisfactory."

The two stern Vulcans split off as they were shown to their rooms, but the elder spock lingered beside the younger a moment, taking in the corridors and doorways. He seemed reminiscent.

"Is she as you remember her?" Spock inquired, gesturing around to the general ship, and Spock Prime allowed himself a small smile.

"She is. A bit older and worse for wear in my memory, of course."  
They stood in silence that felt companionable for a few moments before Spock Prime turned to the first officer with a glitter of hopeful curiosity in his eyes.

"Unless you have any pressing matters to attend to, it may be to our mutual enjoyment to tour some of the non-confidential areas of the ship," the old man urged, and his younger self gave a tight shake of his head.

"My duties as first officer cannot be shirked."

The ancient Vulcan accepted this and gave him a parting nod and turning towards his designated quarters. Spock quickly amended his statement.

"However...if I find my time is not otherwise occupied after the current shift I will alert you at my first available moment."

Was that a hint of a knowing smile around Spock Prime's lips? Surely not, the younger chided himself, and set off for the bridge and his unshirkable duties there.

At the aforementioned first available moment, Spock the younger found himself outside the ambassador's quarters with every intention of spending a pleasant evening showing himself around a ship he probably knew like his own mind. But his first call of the bell seemed to go unnoticed, and a sudden burst of laughter from within startled him as his long finger hovered over the button to request access again. His request was granted, and he strode briskly into his elder's space to find a sight simultaneously familiar and disorienting.

Jim, draped across a chair with one leg over the armrest in a blatant refusal to properly use furniture was staring across a chessboard at a stiffly seated Vulcan-although not as stiff as Spock himself usually sat-with affectionate eyes. Spock had presumably arrived in the direct aftermath of some wit on his alternate's part, as the laughter still hung suspended in the air and danced in a smile upon Jim's lips.

A surge of startlingly aggressive territorialism surged through Spock-Chess was his pastime with the Captain, and something Spock Prime had said sent Jim into a bout of joyful laughter. Would he one day repeat the same humorous statement onto to find Jim's mirth diminished due to the repetitiveness of the action?

Why did that thought send a shard of painful jealousy through him?

"Oh hey Spock. Er, younger Spock? We were just talking about you," Jim said, eyes brightening at the sight of his first officer. He straightened, instinctively angling his body positively towards the Vulcan officer. When he noticed the microscopic signs of stress in his number one-tightening around his dark eyes and in the clenching of his hands-his expression dampened. Spock Prime noted this non-verbal communication with a softly nostalgic expression. He recognized this scene-how many times had his own Jim greeted him with that smile and then shifted directly into the concerned Spou-

He ended that train of thought before it could become painful or draw attention to his distress. This was not his Jim. It wasn't fair for him to place such expectations on him.

"Is something wrong?" the Captain asked, and Spock realized that his fists were clenched. He released them quickly, folding his arms at the small of his back.

"Of course not, Captain. What would make you believe otherwise?"

Jim shrugged, but gazed across the height difference inquisitively. "Would you like to join us?" he suggested, and Spock swept his eyes across the half-finished chess game, meeting Ambassador Spock's eyes coolly for a brief instant before he gave a curt nod.

Kirk readjusted his seat across from the Ambassador, and Spock the younger stared pointedly at his usual place currently occupied by the elder, initiating a stare-down between them until Kirk, growing uncomfortable with the possessive silence in the air, cleared his throat.

"Why don't you have a seat, Spock?" he urged, pulling a third chair over to the table, diplomatically angling it slightly closer to his own.

"I'm losing pretty badly-maybe between the two of us we can take him," the Captain said with a laugh, but he had just unwittingly unleashed a monster: Spock vs. Spock.

The play resumed, Kirk's thoughtful silences filled by Spock Prime's reminiscent gazes and Spock's stiff refusal to speak. The tension in the air rose slightly, but it felt competitive and friendly as Spock assisted Jim's moves, drawing him slowly out of the losing spiral he had fallen into.

After a while of only muttered comments to each other, Spock glanced up at his elder self calculatingly, dark eyes bright.

"I heard a rather unfortunate collapse of the new Vulcan temple on the colony occurred. I hope no one was injured," he commented, causing elder Spock to pause mid-move. He seemed to compose himself, setting the black Knight down.

"No. But it was a great loss to the progress of the colony. It will, of course, be rebuilt in due time," he replied, and younger Spock nodded, seeming to be glad for this development but still regarding his counterpart thoughtfully.

"You were involved, were you not?"

"Yes," Spock Prime retorted curtly, "and I am afraid you are in check," he pointed out, and Spock quickly took Kirk's bishop and intercepted the offending rook.

"Am I?"

The two Vulcans met gazes with a clash, one challenging and the other determining whether it would be prudent to rise to it. This was no longer a game of chess; it was a battle of wills.

"And the schools. Are they well?"

"Quite well."

"I have heard the diplomacy with the colony's neighbors are...unsatisfactory."

Spock Prime glanced at Spock with a disgruntled but curious look in his eyes. "Why are you purposefully antagonizing me, Mr. Spock?" he asked calmly, and the younger gave a tiny shrug.

"I was under the impression that we were engaging both in a chess game and an intellectual conversation," he replied innocently, and the elder's eyebrows knitted.

"You are jealous," he realized, and the first officer's fist clenched before he could stop it.

"Jealousy is illogical and I avoid feeling it," he retorted.

"That is a lie."

"You are in my chair," Spock broke in suddenly, and Kirk's eyebrows shot up in quite a comical manner. Was Spock really jealous? Of himself of all people?

Then Spock Prime flicked his King onto its side, nodding in surrender to his younger self. Although Kirk may not have known it, it was a concession of more than just the game.

Vulcans do not feel such emotions, but Spock almost felt pleased with himself nonetheless and settled back. Some sort of victor had been decided.

Elder Spock stood, bowing his head to the Captain. "Since I am not wanted here, I will speak with you at a later time," he said in a soft voice, emotionless on the surface but undercurrented with a striking sorrow. He departed, and Spock felt Kirk's eyes on him like the glare from the sun. He glanced over and was shocked to see an icy glint of disappointment in his Captain's blue eyes.

"That wasn't very kind of you, Spock," Kirk chastised softly, and the Vulcan let out a breath of frustration through his nose.

"I am failing at controlling my emotions," he noted, and Jim flicked his eyes towards the door where the elder Spock had disappeared.

"You should probably say something to him," he urged, and Spock frowned minutely.

"Apology would be inappropriate this soon after a transgression, as it would appear I am only trying to atone myself in your eyes-"  
"He's really lonely, Spock. He's so painfully lonely," Jim said gently, and Spock stiffened. Spock Prime was Spock once, and if he had grown to become this way once...what was to stop him from doing so again? Did he want to forfeit this opportunity to assuage his own loneliness due to a childish bout of selfishness?

"I will speak with him," he decided, and Jim smiled, resting his hand briefly atop Spock's and leaning over to kiss him softly. They did not often speak of their relationship, but it existed as palpably as the chess piece that still touched Spock's long graceful fingers, as truly as the equation 2 + 2 = 4, as ephemeral as their own existence.

"Will you accompany me?" Spock inquired, maybe a little hopeful, but Kirk shook his head.

"I'd better leave this delicate matter to the Spocks. Three is a crowd you know."

* * *

 


	2. An Object Most Dear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The holopendant Spock Prime wears is more than a bold fashion statement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spock Prime POV

I sat in Meditative silence at the edge of my bed in the temporary guest quarters to which I had been assigned. It was a strange sensation to be aboard the Enterprise after all these years, to feel the hum of the warp engines and hear the soft murmur of nearly 500 crewmembers and passengers moving about their lives drifting through the vastness of space. Strange and admittedly emotional.

The chime of the door drew my attention, and I gave a curious "yes?" Who would be calling upon me at this hour? Logically I could only assume it would be Jim or...

"It is me," my own young voice called from the conn, and although I felt a twinge of confusion and slight apprehension I replied, "Come," eyes closed and fingertips pressed together to maintain all composure.

His soft footfalls entered the room and paused as he realized with what I had been occupied before his arrival.

"I apologize, I did not intend to interrupt you in meditation. I will return at a more convenient time," he said quickly, and I opened my eyes to see my younger self holding his body self-consciously, not comfortable in the slightest in the situation he had placed us in.

"It is no intrusion," I assuaged, taking my pendant from the bed and draping it back around my neck. I always used it as a centering object in my meditation, and its familiar and comforting weight settled over my breastbone as he approached. I saw his questioning gaze upon it, and I indicated that he should sit beside me. He remained standing.

"I came here to apologize for my irrational, rude and inexcusable behavior. I was acting out of..." he paused, as if the admission was quite difficult for him. It probably was. I remembered the time in my life when being Vulcan-and therefore, not human-was of the utmost importance to me. He clung to the remnants of our shattered culture, and for that I could not blame him.

"Jealously," he finally finished, and I smiled slightly.

"There is nothing shameful in actions of protectiveness or possessiveness in regards to one we care for. I took no offense from your behavior," I assured, and he relaxed minutely in relief. It would be a logical assumption that Jim had insisted he apologize, and having completed this objective he looked around my room silently, at a loss for continued interaction.

"Ambassador..." he began eventually, surprising me with his initiation of conversation, and I raised an eyebrow to indicate he should continue and I would endeavour to answer to the fullest of my ability. He folded his arms at the small of his back, a familiar gesture I often employed when attempting to organize chaos within myself.

"May I pose a personal inquiry?" he prompted, and I set a hand on the bed again to encourage him to sit beside me. The disparate positions we currently inhabited suggested a balance of power in his favor, which may have made him comfortable but was not conducive to sincere conversation.

"I will answer as fully as I am able without posing any risk to your future," I teased, and he finally complied with my request for a more personable seating arrangement. He situated himself stiffly, and I could not suppress the immense fondness I felt for this young Vulcan I remembered being, still uncomfortable in his half-human skin.

"In your past...you seem fond of Jim, and to understand my own affection for him. What was your relationship with...your Jim? That is, the Jim you knew?" he asked, forming each word carefully as he picked around what he felt was a delicate subject. I lifted a hand to the object around my neck, a habit born of nearly a century of fond thoughts of Jim, and his eyes followed my motion again. I could tell he wished very much for me to share information about it but was too polite to ask outright, and I decided to solve two sources of his curiosity with one action-as Doctor McCoy would have put it, to kill two birds with one stone.

I placed the amulet on the pressed coverlet between us, flicking the well worn activation switch. A blue image flickered to life, a tiny figure I had imprinted in my mind; a man in his forties with a wry smirk, arms folded across his chest, a dozen tiny lines crinkling around the corners of his eyes. He began to sing, sending my companion's eyebrows up to his hairline in surprise. Whatever he had expected, I felt certain it did not resemble the reality.

"Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you! I know, I know, it's illogical to celebrate something you had nothing to do with, but I haven't had the chance to congratulate you on your appointment to the ambassadorship so I thought I'd seize the occasion..."

His eyes were fixed intently on this man he vaguely recognized and I remembered so strikingly well, and I recognized a glimmer of wonder in his eyes. Jim, at this age, still knew us. Still cared for us. He would likely find that idea appealing.

"Bravo, Spock-they tell me your first mission may take you away for a while, so I'll be the first to wish you luck, and to say..."

Jim always had trouble finishing this sentence. I knew what that silence held-to say goodbye, to say good luck, to say I hate you for leaving Starfleet without asking my opinion, to say be careful, to say come home soon, to say all the things we had ever uttered to one another and all the things we couldn't-and I saw Spock still noticeably, holding his breath.

To say what?

"I miss you, old friend." It flickered once fitfully before falling dark and silent. I replaced the pendant around my neck with all the care afforded a sacred object, and he looked to me in slight bewilderment.

"That," I explained softly, "was the last message ever passed between Jim and I."

He contemplated this enormous fact for a moment, hands folded in his lap.

"You were friends," he deduced, and I gave a soft sigh.

"I can only assume the purpose of your line of questioning is to verify your uncertainties regarding your own relationship with Jim," I postulated, and the tips of his ears darkened slightly in embarrassment before he nodded slightly. This gave me a small surge of happiness-for them to be emotionally involved this early in their timeline meant several years together which I was never offered, years before I ever met my Jim. That was a precious thing, but not necessarily a singularly positive one.

"And what is the nature of your relationship with Jim?" I urged, and he colored more noticeably. This unstable youth was more easily flustered than I remembered being-perhaps a side effect of elongated exposure to Jim in his developmental years of command.

"We are...very close," he struggled, and I extended my hand, three fingers offered in aid. He seemed alarmed by the concept of a mind meld with me, but realized it would be beneficial and relaxed.

"If you would have no objection, I will share some of my own thoughts with you as well," I suggested, and he nodded.

Our eyes closed, and I murmured, "My mind to your mind...my thoughts to your thoughts."

_Brilliant._

_"How the hell did that kid beat your test?"_

_Sparkling eyes, defiance, impossible, incredible_

**_Who is he?_ **

_"I do not know."_

_Eyes flash, crystal blue, accusation, conflict. An uncomfortable magnetism. You should not feel these things. They are dark and angry and you know better._

_"The purpose is to experience fear."_

_What do you know of Fear, Spock? This is fear. Pain and anguish_ _**Vulcan is dead gone just like that** _ _fear hatred sorrow rage_ _**Mother** _ _and those damnable blue eyes, insubordinate, challenging, pressing all the wrong sore spots of your psyche until you break._

_He's always known how to get to us._

_A decision, impossible, wrong_ _**Get him off my ship** _ _you can't handle feeling this many things and he makes it worse, so much worse, so confusing._

_He returns, a demonic boomerang, chin out, shoulders back, those eyes those_ _**ponfo mirann** _ _eyes glittering as he hits you where it hurts, draws your deepest most private emotions roaring to the surface. He makes you hate him._

_You tumble together through space, set on a collision course with destiny, and he pulls you in a way you cannot explain._

_"Just trust me."_

_And you do. You trust him to the ends of the galaxy and beyond, an emotion which transcends logic. Even when he drives you mad, even when he pulls you to heights of emotion you could never have imagined or draws you to depths of anger and frustration you would rather not have ever felt, you trust him._

_Then suddenly he is dying, burning from the inside out, dying to save you and your crew and everything you believe in._

_You have felt such pain and loss and crushing devastation only once before in your life upon the death of our planet. This is your Va'Pak, your own immeasurable loss, the shattering of the world you have built for yourself in absence of that which we lost._

_You stand at his bedside, tense, more nervous than you've felt in years, and you cannot explain nor justify the soaring burst of joy you feel as those eyes-demanding, brilliant, brave, beautiful-open after you believed they would never do so again._

_._

The flow of images slows, halts, before reversing quickly. I find censoring my end of the connection most challenging, and cannot stop most of the trade.

.

_A lingering gaze, warm eyes, touches that at first were startling but become common; welcome even._

_"Spock!"_

_Heart thundering escapades, narrow escapes, daring feats of human illogic and valiance. He never has had much respect for my limitations. Or his own, for that matter._

_My first Pon Farr away from home, risking his life,_ _**he'd do anything to save me.** _

_And he does, dozens of times over, my life in his hands and his in mine, "Captain. Even when he doesn't say it he does."_

_I spent so many years trying to suppress these traitorous emotions, yet he pulled those slight smiles, accepted touches, unimaginable feelings from me with apparent ease. What beings were we, brilliant and strange and endless bursts of light in the darkness of space._

_"And where would you say we belong?"_

_"You? At his side, as if you've always been there and always will."_

_A parting, painful, anguished, unwilling, but necessary. Purge these shameful feelings from myself before they can poison anything else. Kolinar looming, offering peace and freedom. Freedom from him. Is that what I wanted?_

_Of course not. It was not weakness which called me to his side once more-it was strength. He called to me from Space, drawing me with my conflict and desire for something more, something meaningful, to him once more._

_"Even this simple feeling is beyond VGER's comprehension."_

_Clapsed hands, yes, I knew what that meant, meant to me and to him, knew I had found where I belonged now and always._

_"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."_

_**Or the one** _ _dying slowly, painfully, separated by a pane of treacherous glass, unable to touch him, unable to say goodbye._

_"Live Long and Prosper."_

_Death, which I do not remember, and rebirth which I find difficult to recall, just that thin golden tether linking us together. I wonder if he felt it break._

_"Jim. Your name is Jim."_

_Jubilation, reunion, joy unlike anything that should have been possible-_

**_Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you._ **

_Pain, sudden and crippling, the breaking of thread across thousands of light years._

**_I Miss you Old Friend._ **

_Loss so staggering I had nothing then to compare it to and no method for combatting it._

**_I have been and always will be your friend._ **

_Falling, tumbling through space and time, hurtling across galaxies and years and impossibilities._

_Bright eyes, upturned face, youth and vitality glowing gold, was he always so beautiful?_

_"James T. Kirk."_

_He's taken care of, you'll see to him. Keep him safe, keep him well, tell him what I did not have the strength to._

**_I love you._ **

We broke apart, slightly staggered by the enormity of a shared recollection of Jim Kirk.

"How...did he die?" he asked, struggling for air and reeling from the lingering sense of loss which I had dealt with every day for nearly a century. I shook my head.

"It would be dangerous to..." I trailed off because the look in his eyes-devastation, coupled with the determination and realization that he would outlive our beloved by centuries and that every moment he had with him was precious-stunned me into silence. I could not condemn him to the same fate I had suffered.

"During my first mission as Ambassador. He was killed in an unfortunate accident aboard the Enterprise B on her Maiden Voyage. It is my hope that you will not allow him-"

"I will not," he interrupted sharply, and I nodded. He understood. I could only hope that he would succeed where I ultimately failed.

"I must return to my duties," he said tightly, rising with uncharacteristic speed, and I gestured to the door to indicate that he was free to leave at any time with no offense to me. He strode to the door without another word, and I felt solid determination in our lingering connection.

He was going to see Jim.

I settled back into the blankets then, allowing the trinket to play audio only as I closed my eyes and smiled.

"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you..."


	3. Beloved

I sat on the edge of my bed, fiddling with a malfunctioning phaser circuit. I let my mind wander-to our recent mission to a tropical hell hole on Gamma Trianguli VI and subsequent freeing of an entire species from their Eden; the current orders to make our way to the Alpha Centauri system for a peace meeting for the Vulcan colony; the particular Vulcans currently aboard his vessel, probably deep in conversation at that very moment.

The door chime startled me out of my reverie, and I called an absent, "come in."

Spock strode through the door, taking long purposeful steps, and I turned to him in surprise. His eyes were dark with something I couldn't really identify.

"How did the talk with the ambassador go?" I asked, almost afraid to ask if his tense aura was anything to judge by, and he stopped just in front of me, well within my personal space.

"We spoke of many important matters," he replied shortly, and when he took another step forward into my vicinity I had the fleeting thought that he was kind of intimidating when he wanted to be.

It was also kind of extremely hot.

"Like what?" I prompted, looking up into his dark eyes with a smile to decrease any tension I might have been causing him. He seemed to hesitate, and I swung my legs absently and continued to smile.

"You exchange dirty stories about me?" I teased, and his eyes snapped to mine with alarming intensity.

"We did address the topic," he replied, and I couldn't tell if that meant they really did tell dirty secrets of if they just discussed me in general. I leaned a little closer to him, grinning suggestively as I decided to take it however the hell I wanted to, and he appraised me with those dark eyes for another instant.

He advanced on me suddenly, a long fingered hand catching mine as the other slid into the hair at the base of my neck, and he pulled me into a fierce kiss. Pleasantly surprised, I twined my fingers with his, tilting my head to accommodate his position leaning over me.

Spock suddenly pushed me back, practically throwing me onto the mattress and climbing on top of me. Despite my astonishment a thrill of arousal coursed through my veins, and I urged him closer by hooking a leg around his hips.

He actually hissed as we ground into contact, and I threw back my head as he used those lips, usually pressed into a tight line, to suck at the skin on my throat.

I didn't know what had gotten into Spock but God I hope it stayed. This was completely unlike him.

That made me pause and reassess what exactly was going on here, and I pressed against his shoulders gently. He didn't budge, so I pushed harder.

"Spock, Spock hold on," I urged, cursing myself as I said it. He jerked back, cheeks flushed a fascinating shade of green, eyes dark. Why was I stopping him again? I was having a hard time recalling.

"Is there a problem, Jim?" he murmured, and I knew he couldn't possibly trying to be sexy, but his low voice in my ear was causing an interesting effect on my mental facilities.

"Just...the hell did he say to you?" I asked, and he searched my eyes for a moment. I don't know if he found what he was looking for there, but he rested his forehead against mine and closed his eyes.

"I do not wish to waste your time or my own due to my own petty desire to hold to the Vulcan ways. I feel...many things, and denying that will result in nothing but frustration and regrets."

I felt a twinge of sadness trickling through our contact, and brushed my thumb against his hand comfortingly. But that sadness was overwhelmed suddenly by a wave of affection and desire, calming my apprehension and reminding me that I was painfully aroused and had the hot body of a Vulcan sprawled between my legs.

"You sure?" I forced myself to ask him even as I snuck a kiss with a grin. He contemplated me with the same intensity one might afford a particularly fascinating amoeba beneath a microscope. Then he popped one of those godawfully sexy eyebrows and readjusted his hips slightly, and for a moment I was sure he was going to stand.

So when he thrust sharply against me I gave a startled gasp, and a goddamn smirk danced around Spock's lips.

"Quite certain, Captain."

Did he purposely layer the word 'Captain' with a sinful amount of suggestion? I decided that he would most definitely not be calling me Jim for the next hour or so as I rolled us, landing him beneath me with a challenging grin.

Boy did he rise to it.

.

I grinned lazily as my first officer drew surprisingly absent patterns on my flushed skin, eyes following the lines of my back with what I may be proud enough to call appreciation. The last few hours had been mind-blowing-true, it wasn't the best sex I'd ever had physically. Spock was a bit uncertain, his techniques clumsy but sincere. But it was the best spiritually, because of the meaning behind the actions, the emotion in each caress and kiss and whispered word.

"So now is probably a bad time to ask about what you and the Ambassador really talked about, huh?" I suggested, and his graceful fingers stilled in their restless wandering. I rolled onto my side to face him, and couldn't contain a smile at seeing his usually pristine locks disheveled from promiscuous activity. He brushed the tips of his fingers down the left side of my face, imparting a hint of his true feelings. That strange sadness he had shared earlier lingered still, but a staggering rush of love outweighed any regret or unhappiness he might have been experiencing.

"You do not realize that you are a fragile being, Jim. Fragile in that you are human," he expanded before I could voice my indignation. "Your life with me can quite easily be ended. I did not think it prudent to waste any of our existing time together."

That was really depressing on so many levels. I hadn't really thought about the difference in our lifespans before-barring some unfortunate accident that would probably kill me before I was forty, the risk of which was abnormally high in my circumstance, I might be lucky and live into my nineties. An ancient Vulcan could push the 300's, so Spock would linger into his late 100's or early 200's. Spock Prime was probably getting up in that vicinity, if looks were anything to go by.

I nestled closer and we just listened to each other breathe for a few minutes; the steady beat of my heart and the strong hum of his that pulsed twice for each of my own.

"Well who the hell cares anyway?" I grumbled, "I'll live long enough to give Bones a heart attack, have some truly spectacular old man sex with you, and then I'll go out in whatever blaze of glory that's gonna finally get me," I decided, and he gazed down at me with inquisitive eyes before realizing I was making a joke.

"I do not find your humor particularly amusing in this instance, Jim," he admitted, and I nudged his shoulder petulantly.

"I don't find you amusing," I replied childishly, and raised an eyebrow in reply.

"I find that highly unlikely given the activities we have been participating in for nearly two hours now, Captain."

I gaped. "Spock, did you just make an innuendo?" I teased, and he just popped that goddamn eyebrow in response.

"Jesting aside, Jim...there is a favor I would endeavour to ask of you."

 


	4. Happy Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final Chapter

Spock the Elder sat at the desk in his quarters, typing up a report on the colony's progress for someone high up in the chain of Starfleet command. The Enterprise had entered the Alpha Centauri system and would begin transfer of the Ambassadors within 24 hours.

The door chimed, and the Vulcan bade his unnamed visitor enter without looking up from his occupation.

"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you," a strikingly familiar voice sang from the entryway, and Spock stiffened and turned around to face the intruder in his space.

A young Jim Kirk swaggered into the room, smiling-but it was almost hesitant in nature. He was insecure, an emotion which he did not often exude.

"It's not your birthday, I know. But it is your last day aboard the Enterprise," he pointed out, approaching his old friend with a gleam in blue eyes. Spock smiled ever so slightly, rising to stand in front of the Captain.

"This is true," he replied, dark eyes warm. He had so missed this witty banter with Jim. What mischief did the starship captain have in mind to make those eyes of his sparkle so?

"You have any plans?" the bright eyed youth asked, and Spock cocked an eyebrow.

"I seem to have no previous engagements with which to occupy my time. Does your current line of questioning have a purpose Captain?"

Jim laughed; feet spread, hands on narrow hips, head thrown back in a sight that warmed the old Vulcan's heart.

"You got me. How would you like to get reacquainted with the old girl?" he suggested, gesturing around at the ship. He expected the Vulcan to make some sort of comment about how 'liking' anything was a human emotion, that he had no use or time for such things.

The Ambassador's eyes softened. "It would bring me great pleasure to spend an evening aboard the Enterprise with you, Captain."

.

"Welcome, Mr. Spock, back to the Bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise."

The doors swooshed open, and the current bridge crew glanced up to see the elderly version of the very Vulcan sitting in the command chair step onto the bridge. His dark eyes swept over the positions; the Navigation center, the Helm, communications, the Captain's Chair, the science station.

First Officer Spock rose quickly, hands settling at the small of his back.

"Captain. Ambassador," he greeted, eyes lingering with what could be construed as gratitude on Jim.

"I was just giving Ambassador Spock a tour of the ship. No complaints to him coming onto the bridge, are there Commander?" Jim asked, teasing his t'hy'la with his eyes, and Spock the younger gave a nod.

"I see no breach in protocol resulting from such an action, Captain. After all, I do have Bridge Clearance."

The elderly Vulcan approached the Captain's Chair, settling as if by habit at its right side. He glanced around, watching the crew go about its business, his eyes drawn to the Science Station. Jim noticed his repeated line of sight and approached the young ensign currently occupying the station, a human with highly advanced android implants. The man glanced up at his Captain with electric blue eyes.

"GATT5000, would you mind-"

"Of course sir," the young man replied instantly, smiling slightly. Jim grinned-his crew was like a well oiled machine and they knew his orders almost without his saying anything. Gatt5000 stood, vacating the station for the Vulcan, who practically beamed and took his place at the Science Station. The younger Spock glanced at Jim questioningly, rising to give Jim his chair, and the golden boy sank comfortably into the seat as his First settled at his right hand.

"Why don't we just take her out for a spin?" He suggested, eyes glittering with mirth.

"Navigator, lay in heading 042 08. Helm, warp 6. Science Officer...any unusual readings out there?" he asked, shooting a grin over his shoulder at the elder Spock, who smiled with his eyes and shook his head.

"Nothing to report, Captain."

They took the scenic route around a few Class A dwarf planets and a lovely Class O, managing to get into trouble with a nasty group of space Pirates which resulted in a high speed dash through an asteroid belt and a risky jump to warp. It was all rather thrilling and daring, but after the excitement had passed-with both Spocks proving to be immeasurably helpful, Jim would really have to look into how to keep them both aboard at once more often-the Captain handed the ship over to his First and, like the other humans desirous of some leisure time, headed to Deck F.

"Welcome to the Rec Rooms! If some things never change, you probably didn't spend a lot of time here on your Enterprise."

The assorted crewmembers populating Rec Room 3 looked up in surprise to see the Captain escorting a Vulcan Ambassador into the room. The Rumor Mill had already suggested their Captain was taking the elder Spock on some sort of tour, but it was still disorienting to see the familiar duo so...unfamiliar.

"Hello sir! Is nice to see you!" a young bright eyed Russian popped from his seat, beaming at the Vulcan's presence. Spock's eyes softened.

"Hello Mr. Chekov. It is pleasurable to be once again in your presence."

"We're glad you're here, Ambassador," Sulu added from beside the energetic ensign, and Scotty stood as well, interjecting with "Aye! Quite a sight to see yeh out and about Sir!"

"Would you join us for awhile?" Uhura suggested, glancing at the empty chair beside her, and Spock cocked an eyebrow thoughtfully. Then he sat down, earning cheers and greetings all around.

"I do not suppose my younger self has been inclined to share our musical inclinations with you," he asked, and the reactions were...startling. Chekov actually squealed, Scotty roared his approval and Uhura gasped in excitement.

"No!"

"Yeh most definitely hahv not!"

"Show us, show us!"

The old Vulcan actually allowed an upward quirk of his lips and motioned to the pretty blonde yeoman-Rhodes, Rich, Rand, something like that-and murmured something to her. She nodded, slipping from the room and returning an impressively short time later bearing what appeared to be some kind of Harp.

"Much appreciated, Yeoman," he thanked warmly, and she colored in pleasure at the unexpected praise. The Ambassador took the instrument, weathered hands plucking the strings with learned skill, and a tune soon materialized from the device. Nyota's eyes lit up suddenly; it was a tune she recognized.

Jim leaned against the wall, smiling slightly as Uhura's lilting voice joined Spock's music in the air around them. The whole group listened, rapt, and he saw Chekov inch close enough to Sulu to lean gently against him. The Asiatic Lieutenant responded by readjusting his arm to accommodate this contact more comfortably, subtle but sincere reciprocation. Jim couldn't contain his sneaking smile.

"What're yeh plannin', Captain?" Scotty asked quietly, and Kirk shrugged.

"I'm just letting it happen, Scotty. Whatever 'it' is, I guess that's up to him."

The chime sounded for a shift change, and the crew grudgingly collected themselves to get back to work. Spock looked at Jim expectantly, and the Captain grinned.

"I think I've accumulated enough sick days to constitute one day off. Besides, you're in charge in my absence. What could happen?"

Spock popped both brows as he and Jim made their way down the hallway towards a currently unknown destination.

"If memory serves correctly, quite a lot, Captain." Jim laughed at the Vulcan's unique brand of subtle wit.

"Speaking of trouble, let's see what Bones is up to."

The duo walked in companionable silence to G Deck, where Jim swaggered into Sickbay without so much as an invitation or announcement.

"Bones! How's my favorite angry Southerner?" he crowed, and from the depths of the hospital complex the roar of a reply came, "God dammit Jim I'm busy! You can't just waltz in here whenever you're bored and expect me to entertain you! You're like a five year old! A needy five year old! With a pointy eared shadow!"

Jim chuckled as his old friend emerged from..wherever it was he spent his time down here, and the doctor nearly stumbled when he noticed the Captain's companion.

"Jim, did he contract the aging virus again?!" McCoy spluttered, and Jim burst out laughing as Spock raised a condescending eyebrow at the CMO.

"Doctor McCoy, if you had bothered to pay attention to the ship's happenings outside of your own Medical Bay, you may have become aware of the fact that the Enterprise is currently transporting three Vulcan Diplomats to the Alpha Centauri system for a peace convention. I, as you should have postulated, am Ambassador Spock, and myself of this timeline is currently on the bridge tending to the Captain's duties," the elderly man said cuttingly, and Bones colored furiously.

"I- you- he- who the hell do you think you are you pointy eared bastard?!"

"Making futile attempts at insults in regards to the nature of my Vulcan heritage is an indication of shallow thinking and invalid arguments, Doctor. I would be cautious of such attempts in the future."

"You should be cautious of your next medical exam, I'll fill your hypo so full of Hobgoblin poison you'll be dead before you have a chance to blink!"

"That action would be illogical, Doctor, given that I will not be receiving any medical exams from you any time in my personal future, and your own Spock would find such an action surprisingly hostile."

"ARGH! Get him the hell out of my sickbay!" McCoy howled, but Jim was too deep in hysterics to reply, and Spock cocked an eyebrow of victory as Bones ranted and raved at him. The altercation may have become quite violent had Jim not intervened by removing them both from the situation and guiding the Ambassador safely down the hall towards the science labs on the same deck.

"I always wondered..." he commented after he had regained the ability to breathe through his laughter, and Spock glanced at him questioningly. He grinned in reply. "If you intentionally antagonize him or if he was always exaggerating. I should have known it was intentional. God you piss him off without even breaking a sweat! I shouldn't find it so funny," he reprimanded, "he's my best friend. But...it's just so funny I can't help myself. So, you want to check on the Science Lab experiments? You could probably help the labs out and enjoy yourself at the same time, knowing you," Jim suggested, but Spock stopped walking, forcing Jim to about face curiously.

"Actually, Jim...there is something which I wish to show you."

Spock led them down into the bowels of the ship, past all quarters and general crew decks into the engineering sections. In all honesty, Jim had never been to this part of the ship. In fact, from the utter lack of personnel they had passed in the last ten minutes, it would appear no one else had either.

"You're not luring me to a deserted part of the ship just to kill me, are you?" Jim asked with a laugh, and Spock raised an eyebrow but did not reply. Why did that make him the slightest bit nervous? But he trusted this man-trusted him more deeply and completely that he had ever trusted anyone, in whatever form he took.

"Then where are you taking me?"

They clambered down a maintenance shaft and emerged in a dark chamber lit only by the emergency floor lights. It seemed about the size of a turbolift, and irregularly shaped.

"We are still on the Enterprise, right?" Kirk asked, moving closer to the protection of Spock instinctively in an unknown situation. Spock touched his arm gently.

"Yes, Captain," his voice resonated in the small space, and a small flash burst from one wall, startling the youth with its sudden brilliance.

"I discovered this place quite on accident many years from your current time during a crisis. It did not appear on the ship schematics to have any designated function. Naturally, I was curious."

The floor lights extinguished abruptly, plunging them both into that total darkness experienced only in caves-or in their case, the windowless depths of a starship.

"Did you tell me-er, the other Jim-about it?"

Five blue-white lights flickered to life on each side of the room, casting a ghostly pall over the faces of the intruders. Spock's eyes practically danced in the lighting.

"It seemed to have no immediate potential impact on the crew of the ship; I saw no logical reason to officially report it."

Jim stared at the Vulcan before he burst into laughter, bright and boisterous. "You lied!" he accused, and Spock raised an offended eyebrow.

"I omitted."

Suddenly the blue-white lights flashed convulsively before the room went mostly dark. Pinpoints of light began to pop into existence, and the multi-colored brilliance of the Orion nebula bloomed to their left. Jim started in surprise, clutching Spock's arm, and the Vulcan watched his human companion's eyes glow with wonder.

"They're-the stars!" he exclaimed, and Spock nodded, closing the access panel he had been using.

"The exact scene which surrounds the Enterprise at this moment," he explained, and Jim moved forward cautiously into what seemed to be a vast and endless space.

"How is this..." Kirk seemed unable to even voice his question, and Spock gestured around them.

"This small compartment is a hub where many systems converge. I have simply tapped into the Navigational, Location, and Holographic systems."

Kirk knelt down, touching the cool floor while almost expecting his hands to meet with no resistance and fade right into empty space. He sprawled down onto his back, grinning as Spock popped a questioning eyebrow.

"It's called Stargazing. You've surely stargazed before if you really spent years putting up with me," he pointed out, and Spock graced him with a nostalgic smile and lay beside him, the cool metal soaking the warmth from their bodies as Jim pointed to Stars he knew and stars he didn't. After a while Spock joined him by reminiscing on certain adventures.

"In that star system, we first encountered the Romulan Empire," Spock said softly, pointing to a distant point of light. "In that one, we discovered a planet which functioned much like a hallucinogenic amusement park. Doctor McCoy, Mr. Scott and I were stranded on a hostile world orbiting that star. You were forced to fight a Gorn Warrior to the death beneath the light of that sun," Spock retold his experiences quietly, gesturing to each star as he remembered their adventures around them. Kirk smiled slightly, then turned to look at the Ambassador, resting his chin in his hand.

"How long did you know me-him-the other Jim?" he asked, and Spock let his eyes wander the heavens as he collected a reply.

"We were introduced when I was reassigned to the Enterprise after a long duration serving under Captain Pike. Initially...we did not see things the same way. However, I came to enjoy your unique style of Command," he mused, and Kirk nodded, glancing up at the flowering gasses of the nebula that painted his face with a technicolor glow.

"We were friends for nearly thirty years."

Jim raised his eyebrows, trying to imagine knowing Spock-knowing anyone-in thirty years. "Please tell me I still have some game when I'm 60," he said with a laugh, and Spock got an odd expression, one that Jim found he could not read. This upset him, as he had come to think of himself as an expert in the reading of Spock.

"What?"

Spock sighed softly. "The Captain did not reach his 60th birthday in my timeline," he murmured, and Jim sat back, trying to decide how he felt about that. Sure, being a Starship Captain was a risky job, and his Captaincy had already proven to be much more hazardous than most, but...not even 60?

"How did I die?"

Spock frowned slightly, indecision clouding his eyes. "I feel it would be ill advised for me to divulge such information-"

"Hey!" Jim interrupted, startling the Vulcan, "It can't hurt anyone. So don't give me any of that 'non interference' crap."

Spock turned his gaze to the stars, picking out the last sun Captain James Tiberius Kirk ever felt on his skin and closed his eyes.

"You were escorting the Enterprise B on her maiden voyage and encountered trouble. She was not outfitted with a proper crew or weapons system. You managed to save the entirety of the crew and a vessel of El-Aurian refugees. You were trapped in a spacial anomaly known only as The Nexus for nearly 80 years before assisting in the orchestration of a great act of heroism which resulted in your ultimate demise."

Jim blinked at the ease with which the Vulcan relayed this course of events, as if he were intimately familiar with each one.

"Ultimate demise?" He pressed. It was a morbid curiosity, he knew, but he had to know. It was a human quality.

"You were trapped beneath a collapsing structure during the struggle," Spock replied softly, and Jim felt a twinge of pain in his chest. He nodded, and the two fell into silence for a few moments, stargazing quietly.

"I am sorry, Jim," Spock murmured after a while, and Kirk glanced his way curiously, sitting up off the cold floor.

"What for?"

"I...was not with you at the time of your death," he said almost guiltily, joining Jim in his upright position, and the Captain smiled gently.

"I figured as much." In response to the questioning glance he received for this comment, Jim elaborated; "I mean, if you had been there, there's no way I would have died. You and Bones would drag my half dead carcass to sick bay and beat the life back into me. I guess...I've sort of realized recently that I'm going to die alone."

Suddenly Spock drew the Captain into his arms, trembling ever so slightly as he embraced the Captain with all his being. Jim allowed himself a moment of weakness and reciprocated the gesture, burying his face in the shoulder of this man who was so familiar and yet so foreign all at once. Spock pulled away, having collected himself.

"I apologize for my emotional reaction to that, Jim. You once made an almost identical statement to me and the Doctor," he said softly, and Jim smiled.

"Don't apologize for being emotional, Spock, you know I've always tried to get emotional responses out of you."

They lay back down on the cool metal floor, content to be silent for a while. Jim rolled onto his side and found his head nearly resting on the Ambassador's shoulder. When Spock shifted ever so slightly to facilitate contact, Jim felt warmth bloom in his chest and settled his blonde head into the crook of Spock's shoulder.

"You think if I talk Spock into coming down here, he'll let me cuddle him while we stargaze?" Jim asked with a laugh, and Spock Prime allowed a small chuckle.

"That scenario, under normal conditions, would sound ridiculous Captain," he pointed out, but Kirk felt a weathered hand come to rest on his shoulder. This companionship was really nice. His Spock would probably turn into someone very similar to this Spock, and Jim realized suddenly that he wanted to see Spock grow old, spend every year with him.

"Hey Spock?" he asked softly, and Spock hummed in reply, the sound causing reverberations beneath Jim's ear.

"Did you still love me when I grew old?"

Spock's arm tightened slightly around the Captain's shoulder. His reply was gentle and simple, much like Spock himself.

"Always."

That sent a thrill of happiness through Jim, and he rested his hand on Spock's ribcage, feeling the thrum of a Vulcan heart. How old was he now? As Bones had explained the Vulcan aging process, they could function just fine on the high side of one hundred. Spock seemed rather ancient, but since he was half human his lifespan was probably slightly less than a full blooded Vulcan...so around 150 then? Maybe fifteen years more or less? He had no way to tell, but the estimate was sobering. If he hadn't lived past sixty...Spock was nearly a century past that. He had lived all those lonely years alone...

"I'm not going to die out here," Jim spoke up suddenly, and the Ambassador looked at him questioningly. His blue eyes were ice hard with determination, and he gestured to the heavens around them.

"I've only got about 100 total years to live; less than 80 now most likely. If that's what I've got, I'm not going to cut that time short; I'm going to spend it all with you. I'm going to grow so old with you you're not even going to want to Vulcan Kiss me. That's a promise," he stated, and Spock smiled, a beautifully tender expression that touched Jim's heart.

"Well you'd best go and make that promise to the one it really belongs to," he pointed out, and stood up. The starscape vanished with a soft sigh, and the two companions made their way back to Spock's quarters in comfortable silence. Jim leaned on the wall as Ambassador Spock entered the door code to his quarters, but reached out to touch the Vulcan's shoulder before he could enter.

"Thank you for showing me everything I have to look forward to," Jim said softly, and extended two fingers to the old man. Spock's eyes widened, and he looked up at Jim in surprise.

"Jim...you know what it means to us." it wasn't a question, and Jim smiled.

"Of course. It's the goodbye you always deserved."

Spock felt a twinge of bittersweet sadness; how perceptive and careless this man was with his steel enclosed feelings. He met the gesture gently, feeling a long dead spark leap to life within his chest; his living bondmate. Some things were so powerful they transcended time and logic; some things could never be broken.

Suddenly Jim leaned forward and gave the Ambassador a chaste kiss, eyes glittering gleefully at the second instance of wide-eyed surprise which he had induced in the Vulcan.

"And that is for the goodbye I deserved," he teased, and waved to the Vulcan as he hurried down the hall, no doubt to find his First Officer.

Spock smiled softly, hand raised in a Vulcan parting gesture.

"Goodbye my T'hy'la. Live Long and Prosper."

.

The door to Spock's quarters slid open, and the First Officer stirred from sleep instinctively. A familiar voice murmured, "it's okay Spock, it's just me," and the Vulcan settled back on the brink of consciousness. However, he realized that Jim was in his room and had as yet not really greeted him, and turned to gaze blearily at his Captain.

"Jim? Is there something you require?" he asked foggily, and Jim's form shook its head, in the process of removing its boots.

"Why are you here?"

The Human pulled his golden captain's shirt over his head, tossing it carelessly on the floor, and lifted the blankets to climb into bed with his First Officer. He slid an arm around Spock's narrow waist, settling the length of his body along his partner's; they fit together like a puzzle, as if they were made for each other.

"I want to hear you fall asleep. Is it alright if I stay?" he sounded almost self-conscious, and the Vulcan slid his fingers between Jim's in a silent acknowledgement, allowing himself to fall back into sleep's embrace while entangled with his T'hy'la and one true love.

Jim slept with a smile on his face that night.


End file.
